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Co-Dependency
group
CODEPENDENCY
AND CHRISTIAN LIVING
On
the surface, codependency messages sound like
Christian teaching.
"Codependents
always put others first before taking care of
themselves." (Aren't Christians to put
others first?)
"Codependents
give themselves away." (Shouldn't
Christians do the same?)
"Codependents
martyr themselves." (Christianity honors
its martyrs.)
Those
statements have a familiar ring, don't they?
Then how can we distinguish between
codependency, which is unhealthy to codependents
and their dependents, and mature faith, which is
healthy.
Codependency
says:
I
have little or no value.
Other
persons and situations have all the value.
I
must please other people regardless of the cost to my person or my values.
I
am to place myself to be used by others without protest.
I
must give myself away.
If
I claim any rights for myself, I am selfish.
Jesus taught the value of the individual. He
said we are to love others equal to ourselves,
not more than. A love of self forms the basis
for loving others. The differences between a
life of service and codependency take several
forms.
Motivation differs. Does the individual give his
service and himself out of free choice or
because he considers himself of no value? Does
he seek to "please people"? Does he
act out of guilt and fear? Does he act out of a
need to be needed (which means he actually uses
the other person to meet his own needs; the
helpee becomes an object to help the helper
achieve his own goals).
Service is to be an active choice. The person
acts; codependents react. Codependents behavior
is addictive rather than balanced. Additions
control the person instead of the person being
in charge of their own life.
Codependents have poor sense of boundaries; they
help others inappropriately (when it creates
dependency on the part of the other person
rather than moving that person toward
independence). They have trouble setting limits
for themselves and allow others to invade their
boundaries.
A codependent's sense of self-worth
is tied up in helping others; Christianity says
that a person has worth simply because he is a
human being God created. Ones self-worth is
separate from the work one does or the service
one renders.
Codependents have difficulty living balanced
lives; they do for others at the neglect of
their own well-being and health; Christian faith
calls for balanced living and taking care of
oneself.
Codependent helping is joyless; Christian
service brings joy.
Codependent are driven by their inner
compulsions; Christians are God-directed and can
be free from compulsiveness, knowing that God
brings the ultimate results.
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